Future Faking In DV Relationships
FAKING THE FUTURE
Having a relation that we can share the best of who we are with is priceless.
When we believe we’ve found an intimate partner or someone who we can work in union with to achieve our goals, allows us the benefit of seeking to make future plans with what we perceive as a member of our team, so as to build the financial, educational, professional, and personal goals that will prove significantly and mutually beneficial.
However, like all other areas of our lives, when dealing with abusive, narcissistic, or otherwise harmful people, our futures with them are largely shattered by the reality of a dysfunctional and otherwise damaging web of entangled manipulations and actions geared towards causing irreparable misfortunes and suffering.
The exploitations and divisions of our affirmative social support groups, the financial devastation survivors face that prevents us from making the independent financial decisions to procure our own financial wellness, and the freedom to develop the healthy relationship constructs necessary to function in whole and healthy ways are destructive enough to subvert even the best of futures while entangled in dysfunctional relationship structures.
Likewise, as most narcissistic and abusive people use their victims as a means of narcissistic supply, they are very good at making plans, with no real goal of fulfilling them.
Instead, their aim lies in keeping you hooked into the relationship with declarations of empty promises and fantastic futures, while they clandestinely corrode your life with measures that cause you to sacrifice your future goals, plans and best of all, your means of developing those healthy and affirmative lifestyle habits necessary to survive without them in their effort to procure narcissistic supply from you.
This is called future faking, and is when narcissists or abusers promise that you all have an affirmative future together, while they secretly aim to destroy you.
They may plan and promise financial astuteness, marriage, or even to build a family with you, but will use your ambitions and survival efforts to grind away at your self-esteem and self-identity to entrap and ensnare you within the relationship with them, so like vampires, they can devour your resources, and anything else they can get from you.
A WORLDLY VIEW
In a world where time is of the essence, none of us aim to waste ours going nowhere with the wrong people. The narcissist knows this, and weaponizes your personal and professional survival goals against you, by faking a future with you, so that you are less likely to walk away from the volatile circumstances they manufacture.
Their primary goal is to break your resolve, and to use you for their own selfish purposes while they procure supply from you - so employing future faking techniques is contingent on making you believe that you all have a future together, just long enough to trauma bond you into the relationship while corroding your boundaries, and sacrificing your ambitions so as to repurpose you for their own aim.
These types of narcissists are very good at manufacturing all the circumstances that keep you co-dependent and bonded within the relationship, while stripping you of your self-perceptions, identity to condition you to believe and accept defunct and abusive behavior as your fixed reality.
What makes manipulators and narcissistic future faking so dangerous, is that it takes the time, energy and effort we could’ve used to achieve those goals we aimed for ourselves, while waring and grinding us down, to redirect those efforts to procure their own desires, leaving a wake of hurt and devastation in their paths.
FUTURE FAKING CAN SOUND LIKE
• I want to marry you.
• I want to have a family with you.
• I want to purchase property with you.
• I want to help you build your personal and professional objectives.
• I want to be with you forever.
• I want to travel the world with you.
• I want to financially take care of you.
• I want to start a business with you.
THE UGLY TRUTH
The future faking scam keeps you disenchanted as you wait for the promises made by the abuser to actualize and manifest in the future while they deliver a nightmare in the now.
Likewise, as you start to show signs of ware or get tired of waiting and begin to set boundaries or enact practices of self-care, these efforts are usually diverted with covert or indirect acts to sabotage you while openly love-bombing you, to keep you further hooked into the relationship. The future faker might say things like, ‘we are twin flames’ or ‘soul mates’ or ‘I can’t envision living without you’, as they continue to abuse and use you.
And while at first glance, it might look as if they might mean what they are saying, what they are doing is preparing to enslave you with co-dependency traps by using you against you…especially your emotions.
They might press you with the urgency that you don’t have to work or that they will take care of you to hamper any chances of you gaining independence from them or pursuing your professional goals and objectives.
They may even proclaim and indoctrinate you with new ways to earn a living, such as starting a business with them, all to entangle your financial earnings in with theirs with the aim of forcing slave like co-dependency onto you.
You must recognize that with these types of abusers, their aim is always to imbue you with the falsehoods of a prominent future with them, so they can procure something of value from you in the now by stringing you along. So the business promised might really prove an aim for you use your monies to support them or their vision in a covert way.
Future fakers are extremely good at using people, and convincing them that circumstances are one way, when in fact they aren’t.
MAKING SENSE OF IT ALL
It is of note to know that narcissists who weaponize your aim of progression in the world against you by using future faking tactics, are usually pathological liars and actors, who use the aim of future faking to keep you enthralled in a future with them, while they destroy and corrode your independence, financial, social, spiritual, and physiological health in the now. They do this because it keeps you hooked as narcissistic supply for them.
Future faking is also a common con tactic to get you to communicate your goals with them so they can manufacture and project the illusion of what you are seeking in the relationship to stunt your progressions.
It might even involve reinforcing their false promises to you by love-bombing you while alternating the faulty or defunct behavior to exploit your allegiance and loyalty to them and their lies.
Further, like vampires, their sole purpose is to continually procure narcissistic supply from you in any way they can by skewing the constancy of your objectives to use them against you.
As such, it is of the utmost importance that we hold our partners accountable for what they do and say. This is a sure-fire way to discern when there is a pattern of actions and behaviors that don’t align with words. We are thus better equipped to recognize when we are being strung along by a someone who has no real aim to follow through on their future promises to us.
Likewise, when this behavior is recognized, the best thing we can do is seek to disentangle ourselves by leaving the relationship, as the longer we stay, the more entangled in the web of deceit we become.
It is also of note to recognize that NO ONE can give us what them themselves haven’t first acquired for themselves. This is why it so important to vet our relationships with the prudence necessary to promptly act in accordance at the first signs of red flags when we see them.
WE MUST ASK OURSELVES –
WHO ARE THEY, REALLY…
Who are their closest friends, family and most prominent social circles and what are their structural behavioral leanings…
WHAT ARE THEIR VALUES
Their unadulterated, unprovoked, unmanipulated actions tell us this.
HOW DO THEY SOCIALIZE AND RELATE TO THOSE IN THEIR SOCIAL CIRCLES
Do they speak, and act with integrity…Are they forthright honest, and authentic… Likewise, do they speak good things about their circle of friends...
WHAT ARE THEIR FINANCIAL CIRCUMSTANCES
Are they themselves in the financial position that they claim to be... And can they provide us with what they are proclaiming, within the context of their own economic health.
DO THEY CONSISTENTLY FOLLOW-THROUGH WITH PROMISES
Do they do what they say they are going to do…
All these attributes take time to accurately discern. This is why it is so important to take the necessary steps to get to know someone before seeking to make future plans or build our futures with them.
Likewise, in employing prudence when seeking our relationships, we can avoid both the baggage and unhealthy bondage traps of narcissistic abusers who try to manipulate us with future faking tactics.
This is a sure-fire way to protect ourselves from abuse or otherwise exploitative people while fostering relationships with those who we can actually build promising, healthy good natured futures with.