Hovering Stalking And Spying In DV Relationships
WHEN THE ABUSER DOESN’T LEAVE YOU ALONE
I can’t stress enough the trend of narcissistic abusers’ desire to procure a stronghold over their targets. Whether financially, by stealing from them or creating economic strain, emotionally by engaging in waves of unpredictable and confusing behavior, socially, by trying to isolate them from their friends and loved ones to have their sadistic way with them, and even spiritually, as they seek to challenge and distort the faith, values and perceptions of their targets.
As a result of the toxic rollercoaster of abuse faced by many survivors, a number of them try to escape from the relationship, only to find themselves enthralled in the confines of hovering, stalking and spying by their abusers, in an effort to silence them or keep tabs on them, harass and further entangle them within the relationship, or even harm them.
The stress involved in trying to procure your safety and security from these dystrophic relationships can be draining, as they immensely contribute to the strain and struggle of trying to rebuild healthy ways of living that are free from abusive or otherwise dysfunctional people and circumstances.
When abusers persistently aim to threaten, harass, stalk, hover, obstruct your progress or otherwise make life difficult for you, by seeking to force and keep you trapped within the vestiges of a dysfunctional relationship, it becomes a challenge not only to leave, but also to reclaim your individual identity and sense of well-being or feeling safe in the world, as hoverers, stalkers and abusers who spy on their targets are known to be extremely dangerous.
For many survivors, who try to leave their abusers, the final stage of the torture and terrorism many of them face is death, as the abuser becomes obsessed with destroying them when they seek to reclaim their lives by walking away from the relationship.
HOVERING, STALKING AND SPYING CAN LOOK LIKE
• Repeated And Unwanted Phone Calls And Messages
• Following And Shadowing The Victim
• Hacking Into Electronics To Gather Information Or To Spy On The Victim
• Forced Or Manufactured Interactions
• Indirect And Direct Threats Of Harm
• Vandalizing The Target’s Personal Property
• Acts Of CyberTerrorism And CyberBullying To Defunct The Target’s Electronics Or Software Applications
• All Other Acts To Terrorize And Harass The Victim Or Make Them Fear For Theirs And Their Family’s Safety
It should be noted that hovering, stalking or spying on a victim is an act of intimidation, in an effort to silence and disarm them while seeking to force a trauma bonded relationship by repeated acts of forced interaction that serves to desensitize and corrode the targets boundaries and sense of safety in the world. Likewise, the methods used to stalk or otherwise harass someone are far less important than the acts themselves.
Forcing unwelcomed interactions onto someone, is all about the aim of exerting POWER AND CONTROL over them. As such, abusers seek to carry out the unwanted interactions to instill fear and to likewise, make known to the target that they can access them as they wish.
Flying monkeys are especially important when it comes to hovering or stalking, as stalkers are known to use close friends and affiliations to help them in their aim of terrorizing and keeping tabs on their targets.
Likewise, because most dysfunctional or harmful intimate partner relationships seek to procure narcissistic supply from targets, they never want others to know the behavior they are engaging in. So acts that shadow, threaten, or harass their victim into silence, helps them remain anonymous in their actions while allowing them to procure further narcissistic supply from other targets.
CyberTerrorism and acts of CyberBullying are also of critical note, as they can be difficult to attach these actions to the stalker or hoverer themselves, since the interactions are indirect. However, the effects are just as damaging, and in some instances can be even more damaging than face to face stalking or hovering, as they can serve to disadvantage the target while causing severe trauma and emotional distress. Likewise, stalkers who seek to destroy their target’s financial bearing or chances of maintaining their independence outside of the relationship, may destroy productivity applications, cause their targets to lose their jobs or prevent them from earning a living, and likewise impede both their personal and professional productivity and goals.
MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AND WHAT I LEARNED
In my plight to distance myself from a harmful relationship, I began experiencing a slew of harassing and unwelcomed phone calls and messages, direct and indirect threats of harm if I tried to expose the abusive and terroristic behavior I was experiencing, and likewise severe instances of CyberTerrorism and CyberBullying.
We mightn’t always recognize the red flags when we see them, however, it is critical to follow your first instincts AND LEAVE at the first signs that something isn’t right or that a relationship might prove harmful to us.
I was dealing with a violent and destructive predator with less than noble affiliations, whose aim was to hurt me.
With my limited perspective, I could’ve never conceived of such an elaborate effort to cause such destruction in my life without provocation, simply because I chose to leave the relationship.
However, with narcissists and other groups that seek narcissistic supply, from their targets, they can be very vampiric in nature and if they believe that they can procure their supply from you, might refuse to leave you alone, with hovering, stalking and spying used as powerful weapons in forcing submission and acquiescence within the relationship. This coupled with other acts of intimidation and harassing behavior can prevent a victim from seeking help to disentangle themselves from the harm the relationship is causing.
Likewise, is extremely difficult to leave as the abusers primary goal is to destroy any and all chances for you to develop yourself in healthy ways without them.
My goal is to shine a bright light on these harmful trends in domestic violence, so that survivors of such abuse can recognize the signs of these relationships….GET OUT AND STAY OUT!
When abusers can’t procure their narcissistic supply from you, they become extremely dangerous.
Likewise, it is worthy to note that hovering, stalking and spying in DV relationships can be a ploy to procure their efforts to further trap you within the relationship by destroying your financial or economic, social and even your emotional and physical wellbeing all in an effort to force a co-dependent relationship with you, as this is a very necessary process in procuring their supply from you.
Many survivors, myself included have romanticized dysfunctional and otherwise harmful behavior from people who didn’t truly mean well. I can’t stress how critical it is to BELIEVE WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU SEE IT, as that is who they are.
We come to know others by their deeds and actions, and when our relationships continually hurt us again and again, we must face the fact that they don’t mean us well…at all!
We must learn to leave crumbs at the table and know that we are worthy of all there is to be had in healthy and sustaining relationships with those who bring out the very best in who we are, as opposed to those who leave us drained, distraught, and depleted.
By divine right, we have the autonomy to choose the relationships we seek for ourselves. When an intimate partner or group uses nefarious means to hover, stalk, spy or otherwise make life difficult for us, because we choose to walk away from their abusive behavior, they serve to enslave us to their objectives for us or push us into self-sacrificial modalities in order to sustain the relationship.
Healthy relationships don’t function that way. They instead allow us to be and live freely in our convictions without fear of harm for being who we truly are or for making self-beneficial decisions for ourselves and our families.
This is one of the key differential factors between unhealthy and healthy relationships. Dystrophic relationships function within the tenets of slavery and servitude and are very draining and sacrificial to our nature.
Healthy relationships are communal in nature where there is a balance of sharing, mutual benefit and respect for each other’s boundaries. They promote freedom of self-expression and encourage both collective, individual and interdependence.
May we all choose to live freely, healthy and happy in our relations.