Darvo Projection and Defamation

A Warm Welcome To The OasisAgainstViolence Survivor Community.

This week's blog post is on a very special venue...

...Domestic Violence relative to DEFAMATION and PROJECTION by the narcissist on to the victim, to implement what is known as DARVO.

DARVO stands for Deny, Attack and Reverse Victim and Offender.

The aim of DARVO is to allow the perpetrator or the abuser in a domestic violence relationship to abuse, victimize and subjugate a victim while the harmful behavior falls below the radar.

The key defining attributes of DARVO are shroud in the abuser using Projection and Defamation (P&D) techniques against the victim in an effort to make the victim seem unstable.

Projection and Defamation campaigns also serve to make the victim seem as if it is infact they themselves who are the narcissist or abuser, by forging the false belief that the harmful behavior being inflicted on them is somehow their fault in the relationship. 

(P&D) are very powerful weapons used by predators who seek to use and abuse and get away with what they are doing.

There are two primary ways predators use defamation and projection to defuse, disarm and likewise, debase victims.

CONTINUALLY ATTACKING THE VICTIM.

...Attacking the self esteem... attacking the ego of the victim... attacking the self definitions of the victim and likewise, attacking the concept of the victim's reality... that they are infact being harmed.

 

If an abuser is consistently saying very negative things to you, such as - you aren't good enough, or worthy, or that it is your ways and behavior that is causing the abuse, all the while intentionally and consistently criticizing and attacking your values, self-defining attributes, or even sabotaging you in ways that make it seem as if you are unstable, violent or otherwise characteristically deficient especially, in open or public areas where other people can bear false witness to clandestine tactics that serve to agitate or provoke you into reactive abuse scenerios, while they appear calm and cool and collected, they are better apt to get away with damaging and harmful behaviors committed against you.

 This serves to reinforce the false notion that you are the predator by reversing the roll of abuser  and victim through a series of manipulations.

 On lookers, and others who are witnessing what is happening, might suggest or believe that in fact, it is you, the victim, who is violent...it is you the victim who is unstable... and it is you the victim who is mean, surly and abusive, when in fact, what they don't see is what is happening behind closed doors, as the abuser is proficiently adroit in ensuring viable witnesses aren't privy to the provocation and abuses that you are experiencing when no one is around.

there are so many victims who actually believe that they are in fact, the cause of what is happening to them, or that they themselves are the predator or the abuser, that they might start to question the very reality of the circumstances they are in, while doubting what they are facing at the hands of the abuser. 

You might ask yourself, the rhetorical question of...if I had done something differently, would I have gotten hurt...you might might even draw the conclusion that maybe if you hadn't responded to what was happening to you, then you might not have faced the sequence of harmful circumstances. This isn't true...AT ALL.

 If someone walks on you or someone steps on you, your natural human response is to say ouch or to shield and protect yourself from harm.

 Likewise, if someone pushes you down or if someone takes something that doesn't belong to them from you, your natural response is to react to the circumstance. And so it isn't a situation where the victim is in fact the predator or the abuser or the perpetrator, and instead the introduction of a gaslighting illusion.

 And in that illusion, we can get so swept up into the false notion that it is our response to abusive circumstances, instead of the abuse itself, that we question who we are in the face of extremely harmful relationships. 

Another thing that defamation and projection seeks to do in abusive relationships is to...

 REVERSING VICTIM AND PREDATOR

The predatory creed is... I will abuse you...I will steal from you... I will say and do bad things to you... I will take your family from you...I will sabotage you...and I will do any and everything that I can possibly do to push you down into a state of indigence. Once you are there, I will seek to convince you that you are the cause of your demise by rallying others against you through a series of manipulating the circumstances and people around you. I will use triangulation and false communications and debasing narratives with others. And finally, I will aim to carry out these harmful acts in succession, by using your hurt, triggers and emotions against you to make it look as if you are the problem, especially when we are around other people.

 As a survivor myself, I have faced very similar circumstances where I have been in public places and have been pushed down and even struck, both to provoke negativity and incite warfare, while making it look as if I myself was unstable and violent or that I was, in fact an abuser or a predator. 

So I can attest personally that DARVO, DEFAMATION and PROJECTION are not only really hard to deal with, but likewise difficult to detect by those who don't know the signs of domestic Violence and reactive abuse.

For a number of survivors, it is such a difficult thing when your values, perceptions and self-defining attributes are constantly being attacked by a cocktail of abuses, sabotage, and defamation and projection campaigns, by those who seek to destroy your character to make it look as if you yourself are what they are.

Many survivors have also had to deal with being  pushed into crime scenerios to survive,  serving to destroy their credibility, so the very people who were committing criminal acts against them could reverse victim and offender.

Likewise, acts of economic sabotage and financial abuse, as well as having been separated from our families or from those things that are familiar and healthy for us...and even, those things that help us to survive and to thrive in the world can all prevent victims from being able to escape the harmful circumstances they might be in.

 

The movie FATAL ATTRACTION, is a primary example of what I am describing.

Antagonist character, Glenn Close, being infatuated with Protagonist character Michael Douglas in her infatuation, destroyed his belongings, vandalized his vehicle, chased him and followed him everywhere he went.

 She  infiltrated his family and close relationships. She tried to set him up. And finally,  she refused to take no for an answer, and wouldn't leave him alone. 

Likewise, there was a scene in the movie where Michael Douglas choked her.

 And in that instance, he really wasn't the predator or the abuser. She was provoking him time and time again and even chasing him as he tried to walk away from her.

 She likewise continually sabotaged and provoked him to initiate negative responses from him to implement DARVO scenerios.

A FINAL WORD

Defusing victim retribution by making the predator look like the victim and the victim look like the predator is a very, very effective means of subverting abusive tactics and abusive behavior by people who seek to destroy a victim's credibility and means of surviving outside of dysfunctional relationships.

As we come to better know the dynamics of abusive circumstances, we are better equipped to subvert them.

We at OASISAGAINSTVIOLENCE hope this information has helped a survivor on their journey toward healing while building healthy, sustainable and affirming relationships.