HEALING AND CHOOSING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
There's an old adage that we can't soar like eagles, around a bunch of chickens.
OasisAgainstViolence believes this to be true.
It proves most difficult to self-actualize or to reach our highest calling when entangled within the dysfunctional volatility of dystrophic and otherwise abusive relationships, as the goal of all those with predatory aim for us, is in one way or another, to exploit us in some way, proving quite contradictory toward our aim of our own life successes, or even the communal successes within the harmful relationship.
Manipulators, users, and abusers are only seeking to have their own needs met at the expense and sacrifice of our own.
This is why learning to build affirmative relationships so as to recognize healthy social attributes with those who can meet us where we are on our life's journey, and work with us in union toward building healthy individual and communal attributes, is so critical towards the successive qualities of the lives we live.
Healthy People Usually Display These Key Qualities
INTEGRITY
They don't just speak of who or what they are in the world, they show you CONSISTENTLY that they can be trusted by behaving in ways that prove strength in character, through explicit displays of trustworthiness.
HONESTY
While most of us like to consider integrity and honesty one in the same, we don't.
The key difference, is that integrity entails standing behind one's convictions.
However, a liar has an unwavering knack for standing behind a falsity.
Those of worthy character in attribute are honest and authentic in both their life's goals as well as in the authenticity of their character and actions.
As such, seeking out and OBSERVING WITH PRUDENCE, the displays of honesty and forthrightedness within your social circles is definitely a step in the right direction towards building healthy relationships.
AFFIRMATIVE SOCIAL CIRCLES
If your relationship of interest is tied to a circle of socializations that are seemingly adverse in attribute, or vastly different than what they themselves show you, THIS IS A RED FLAG.
Either this person or group don't represent the veracity of claim attribution, or, if an individual, they have a knack for making the wrong decisions pertaining to their circle of friends and acquaintances.
Either way, you probably shouldn't commence investing your time, energy or efforts into such a pursuit.
Healthy people who are prone to make good decisions pertaining to their circle of friends and familial interactions, understand the keys to be had in developing strong social circles with those that share both their values and interests, thus increasing their chances of winning in both their qualities of life, and likewise through the pedigree of their socializations.
As we heal and shift from dysfunctional socializations toward healthy ones, we must learn to CHOOSE THOSE WHO CHOOSE THEMSELVES.
Further, as a golden rule... WINNERS CHOOSE WINNERS.
HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
Protecting our life's ideals and convictions, means that we value ourselves enough to prevent others from encroaching on the creed for which we stand on.
Likewise, in choosing those who also understand and apply, THROUGH CONSISTENT DISPLAYS OF DEMONSTRATION, that they don't stand on the fence where the things they value most are concerned, means that they advocate for and protect their beliefs, thus signifying strength in character, as the aphorism of "if we don't stand for something, we are likely to fall for anything", certainly holds true.
Most who have strength in their objective boundaries and values, prove to be winners, especially when those boundaries encompass honesty and integrity, along with the conscious aim in choosing strong affirmative social circles.
SUPPORTIVE
Those we interact with and invest our time into, should support us in ways that help us actualize, as opposed to seeking their own aim and goals for the vision of our lives that they have for us, thus honoring those we choose and give ourselves.
People who value us and our processes of decision making and individualized lifestyle choices, are apt towards providing us with the help that we need so as to accomplish both our individual and relational collective aim.
For, just as there is no war in love, so too is there no tug-of-war types of attributes within healthy relationships, where those who proclaim to revere us, are also vying to change the very trajectory of our innermost convictions, and lifestyle choices.
When those within our social circles genuinely care for us, they don't seek to destroy the essence of who we are.
Instead, they help us cultivate and enhance it... ALWAYS.
This is the quintessential differentiation between supportive versus unsupportive relational attributes.
QUANTITATIVE LIFE GOALS
Just as winners choose winners, the winners also choose life goals that help them win in life.
They aren't lazy or blame centered, and they likewise make the conscious decisions that take them along the roads of their most pressing life's destinations, as they tend to be goal oriented.
They choose the activities, and associative life structures to help them along their life's purpose.
And when we choose to surround ourselves with goal oriented people who are focused on maintaining quality of life standards through enforcing, protecting, and affirmatively utilizing their time towards such an effect, it is through sheer proxy of association, that such qualities are enforced and that we are better apt to sustaining the affirmative lifestyle attributes to do the same - thus symbolizing healthy relationship attributes.
Further, OasisAgainstViolence believes that while volatile relationships make us feel bad, good ones help us feel good and hopeful within ourselves, within the relationship itself, and within our worldly outlook as well.
So as you aim to heal from the dysfunctional ties that bind, and develop healthier socialization qualities, trust yourself and your feelings.
And most of all, believe actions instead of words, and always know that no matter what you've been through, you are a winner... So choose winners...ALWAYS.